the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
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i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
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To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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