FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize