They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i dont even know how to be here
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
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So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
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The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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