I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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