i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize