dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
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They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
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He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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