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Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize