you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Please don't give away my fajitas
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize