if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
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I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
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Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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