I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize