i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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