I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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