let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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