how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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