he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize