if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
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You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
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I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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