wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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