Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
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I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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