super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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