Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
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Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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