bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
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for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
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I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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