I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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