I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
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Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
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Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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