just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize