You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize