Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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