Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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