Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
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I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
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Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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