What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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