Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
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