i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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