this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
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I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
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There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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