If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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