we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
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