Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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