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I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
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