Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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