i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
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Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
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I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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