we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize