i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
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can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
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Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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