I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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