Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
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Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
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Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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