Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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