onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
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Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
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Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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