She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
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He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
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I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
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