YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize