Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
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