I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
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Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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