mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
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I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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