I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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